“Perhaps the genius of ultrarunning is its supreme lack of utility. It makes no sense in a world of space ships and supercomputers to run vast distances on foot. There is no money in it and no fame, frequently not even the approval of peers. But as poets, apostles and philosophers have insisted from the dawn of time, there is more to life than logic and common sense. The ultra runners know this instinctively. And they know something else that is lost on the sedentary. They understand, perhaps better than anyone, that the doors to the spirit will swing open with physical effort. In running such long and taxing distances they answer a call from the deepest realms of their being — a call that asks who they are …”
– David Blaikie

Monday, December 27, 2010


My friend, Debbie, sent some photos she had stored in her camera of my recent charity run. One picture absolutely touched my heart. She captured a very important moment that made me think about how I am still here on earth.

About eleven years ago at a doctor's appointment, I was told that I had a very slim chance of having children...EVER. I was in the throes of Bulimia after dealing with Anorexia before that. I had punished my body inside and out and had not even thought of the repercussions that could eventually reveal themselves. At age nineteen, it was the last thing on my mind anyway, so I continued to silently and slowly kill myself.

At age twenty-one, I was still Bulimic and trying to find "balance" in life. "Balance" came in the form of a protective and sweet college guy named David Flores. Always moving around or running, or staying busy enough to keep my mind from imploding by adding calories in and out, he taught me that it was okay to just slloooooowwww dooowwwwnnnn. I enjoyed his company as a distraction from myself. I told him, up front, about what the doctor had said. I wanted him to move on with his life if he couldn't live with the fact that if we continued our reltaionship, we would never have children. He didn't hesitate and told me how much he loved me and it was okay. Yes, he is definitely a keeper.

On June 20th, I was doing some last minute studying for the National Strength and Conditioning Association (NSCA-CSCS) exam in Houston, Texas. David had just graduated from Texas A&M and had moved to his own apartment (my second home at the time!). I had been throwing up, but keeping it a secret. My body was not cooperating and I could not vomit "on-demand" for some reason. I wasn't even losing any weight and I was holding onto a lot of water. I called a friend of mine and she told me to try taking a pregnancy test. Absurd, I thought, but I bought one anyway. One time. One test. PREGNANT. No way! I remember thinking. I bought three more and took one before, during, and after my NSCA-CSCS test. All positive. Imagine the emotions one would feel seeing the pink plus sign on that pee-stick after being told that there was a slim-to-none chance of ever becoming pregnant...EVER .

I got back to David's apartment as movers were bringing in his brand new leather couch...his first big purchase for the apartment, aside from a TV and a Playstation 2! I sat on that new couch and told him that I was pregnant. The first thing he said, after a hug, was, "Should I return the leather couch?"

I found an OB/GYN doctor that would do "blind" weigh-ins during my pregnancy which kept me sane and actually helped me beat the demon that was Bulimia at the time. My water broke on that new leather couch eight months later and my sweet Maya Lynn Flores was born.

Many women say that their first child is a miracle. My Maya is my own miracle. She saved my life. If God had not given me the chance to be pregnant, I would not be alive today as my eating disorder (or ED) would have taken it's toll on me and eventually win it's sick game against me.

As most of you know, eventually I had twin boys who are now three years old....another totally unexpected and humorous gift from God. I wish I could call the doctor that told me about my slim-to-none chance of ever having kids. I think that doctor would find it interesting that six years after having my daughter I got pregnant with fraternal twins on "accident"!

I see this picture and it reminds me of how much I love her and how thankful I am to be her mom.


Anonymous said...

All I can say is how proud I am of you and that I have loved you as a friend for 27 years!! You're an inspiration to many and I'm positive you've helped more lost souls than you'll ever know. God does indeed have a plan for us all and it's wonderful He's shown you these gifts so early in life! Xoxo from Chicago...

Jeanna said...

I can hardly type for the tears! You were my miracle and Maya was your miracle. Love you so much.